There I was on my knees again. The bruises were beginning to show from the number of times I had been on them that week. The weight of the world was almost more than I could bear. I was a Christian, a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend, but my life was in a season of heart wrenching hardship. If you’ve ever seen an ant trying to carry a building, then you would understand the pressure I felt. All I could do was fall to my bruised knees and pray. My heart ached with pain and it took all my strength to get out of bed each morning. I would push through the anxiety and pain as I thanked God for another day, secretly hoping this season of hardship would end.
God never said we would be free of hardships. In fact, He said just the opposite. But He did say He would be with us through them, strengthening and helping us. He says He will never leave us or forsake us. Knowing God’s promises gave me hope that the current pressures would eventually subside.
During that time, I would put on a smiling face and continue to perform daily tasks. It was an act of hope and faith that God would turn the tide. I would ponder the things I was thankful for and remind myself that it could be worse. There were times throughout the day the anxieties would make each breath feel as though I was suffocating. I would drop to the ground with tears pouring down my face. My tattered knees would throb from the hours spent on the floor. It seemed like nothing was happening and that God was silent. But deep down, I knew He was there. I knew He could hear me. I knew He was catching my tears. I had to believe.
Have you ever gone through something so hard that it turned your world upside-down and you questioned the promises you once believed? It’s in those times that our faith becomes personal.
The story of Hannah (1 Samuel) is a source of encouragement for me in those hard times. Hannah was the wife of a godly man who loved her very much. But Hannah had a problem. In those days, the inability to perpetuate the name of your husband was the ultimate tragedy. It resulted in insecurity and humiliation. Hannah was unable to do this. Besides her barrenness, she had to endure the harassment of her husbands other wife who was indeed fruitful. There’s nothing like having a hard time and having someone rub it in!
Hannah endured this day after day, year after year. There’s no doubt in my mind that she spent countless hours on her knees. I can hear her crying out to God, “Why won’t you heal me? Do you even hear me? What did I do wrong?” These are questions we ask through tears when we don’t understand why we have to endure hardships. Her story continues in 1 Samuel 1:10-11 it says,
“And she was in bitterness of soul, and prayed to the LORD and wept in anguish. Then she made a vow and said, ‘O Lord of hosts, if You will indeed look on the affliction of Your maidservant and remember me…but will give Your maidservant a male child, then I will give him to the Lord all the days of his life…’”
Nearby, a priest was watching her. He prayed for her and blessed her. Hannah went on her way and it says, “her face was no longer sad”.
She truly believed that God had heard her prayer this time. She believed that God would answer and it would be the end of her sorrows. Then it happened. Hannah conceived. Not only did she conceive, she gave birth to a boy named Samuel who would bring the blessing of God to a whole nation. God does exceedingly more than we could ask or think.
We don’t always understand why we go through hard things but we can rest assured that our hardship is doing more in us than we realize. Hannah was persistent and she didn’t give up. Year after year she prayed and dirtied her knees until her answer came. “The effective fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much” James 5:16.
Daughter of God, don’t give up. Whatever fear, anxiety, or challenge you are facing, there is hope. There is an end to your current struggle. Continue to pour your heart out to God because He hears you. He’s holding you in His arms and catching your tears. Do not give up hope; soon your tattered knees will heal.
Lavender Morningsong Loyd (yes, that is her name) is a southern California native. She grew up in Leucadia, San Diego as a beach baby and lived on what she likes to call a mini farm. She lived a wild life until meeting the Lord when she was 19 years of age.
Lavender has been married to her best friend for 15 years and has three spunky children to keep her busy. She has done many things and held different occupations, but her one passion is the Lord. Through every season of life, her one desire is to grow closer to the Lord and be transformed into His image. Through her experiences and imperfections, she hopes to inspire others to not give up hope, to feel normal, to laugh, and continue to run this crazy, beautiful race we are running.
See Her Posts At: Lavender Lloyd