Empty nest syndrome a feeling of grief and loneliness parents may feel when their children leave home for the first time, such as to live on their own or to attend a college in my case they got married. It is not a clinical condition.
Well, obviously they were not describing me. At least not ALL the symptoms and effects.
Sure, I knew this day was coming. They would get married to the perfect spouse and we could have dinner together every Sunday as a family, at my house. Every holiday and birthday we’d spend together. Of course I’ve got the biggest house with a lot of room for family gatherings. I’m the one who inherited my Mom’s dishes, that I get to use again and again. And my kids would appreciate me telling them over and over great grandma stories. I’ll take all those courtesy smiles and chuckles.
I have three adult kids. All married to wonderful spouses that love them.
I’m thankful and so grateful that all my children and spouses are servicing the Lord.
Train up a child in the way he should go,
And even when they are old they will not turn from it.
We’ve always been close to them. My two oldest came from, let’s call him husband B. First a daughter, then a son. Husband B left us, having an affair with our employee that I thought was a friend. My son was three months old, my daughter two years. So basically, I raised them alone. I’m so thankful I could stay at home with them, I gave up doing hair and opened a day care in my home. My two were always with me 24/7. I loved every minute of everyday.
Four years later I met husband C on a blind date. A set up from God. He had three of his own kids. Also, like me, hurt from our spouses having affairs. We were married after dating for seven months. After three months of marriage at the age of 41, I was pregnant. Instead of making three sandwiches I was making eight now. An instead family.
I would love to tell you it was a fairytale marriage. But it wasn’t, I cried a river of tears. As he worked through his hurts, pain and junk in his trunk. I learned how to pray. I was being trained to pray warfare prayers.
We have been married 26 yrs this November. I’m married to my best friend and the love for life. It’s now just the two of us at home with two long haired dachshunds.
My life has changed so much.
That day is here. The day that seemed so far away. That I’d have the house to myself. That I’d be talking on the phone without interruption….So quite you can hear your own heartbeat…Clean bedrooms, clean house, no dirty dishes in my sink or looking for dirty glasses in unexpected places and no more hand paints on my wall. I’ve actually have gas in my tank these lasts two weeks. No more being Mom taxi driver: Showing up for every sport game, dance recital, drama show, music lesions, driving across town to drop off a car load of kids for a skate boarding trip. No more smelling the worst smells from a carload of boys skating all day with no deodorant. I can walk around my house in my nightgown in the morning. There are no more surprise kids crashing overnight at my house. It’s the end of hundreds of times saying, “Do your homework.” Or, “I’m not going to tell you again.”
But to tell you the truth, I miss every single one of these. I would experience all of them all over again, if I could. I miss those good old days.
I sleep a lot better at night now. I don’t listen for their little voices, coming home at night and worry don’t keep me up at night.
I’d love to hear some of the ways you’re coping with being a Empty Nester. Share them with me ❤️
Here is my list of how to Cope with Empty Nest Syndrome (I actually do all these. Lol):
-Keep in contact with your children…Cell phone, texting, FaceTime with my daughter and granddaughter has been helpful.
-Pursuing hobbies and interests in our increased spare time.
-Reading ( without interruptions). Journaling, writing blogs, soaking in His presences and worship music always going.
-Dance in worship, getting out my flags and to worship.
-Get Involved in Church more…Women’s groups, bible study groups, prayer teams, pastoral team, prayer team, mentoring a couple of women.
-Reading books…I’ve started at least 20. They all have bookmakers ,but I’ve never finish one.
-Life group with your spouse or a couples group.
-Go to lunch with friends. Every week I have lunches, coffee and go shopping with friends. If you know me. It’s one of my love languages.
-Date night with your husband with just the two of you or a double date.
-Camping…My husband and I bought a membership to a horse ranch, we bought a big trailer (just in case the family wants to come) 😉
We go as often with our two dogs….Fishing, Target practice and rest.
In His Grip
Char Fransz was born in Inglewood, Ca. She is the youngest of four, with fifteen years apart. Her parents moved to South Bay, when she was in 6th grade. She was a bleached blonde beach girl.
At the young age of 13 Char accepted the Lord at a Bill Gather crusade. However, the prime moment came for Char in 1980 at the age of 30, After many trials and adversities, she discovered the Father’s Love, and gave her heart, soul and everything to Him. This was the beginning of her ministry. Her desire since then has been to set the captives free, through prayer and intercession. In the spirit, she loves to hear the chains and shackles fall to the floor while ministering to others.
Char became a hairstylist after high school. She worked for 15 yrs. in the beach area. She loved doing hair, where she could use her creative side. Char has three children (ages 24-33) and one two year old granddaughter.. She married her best friend, and husband for life 26 years ago, and with his three children, “we became his, mine and ours”. The children are all currently married and serving in the church.
Char and her husband are now empty nesters. The Lord gave Char a heart for broken women. He trained, equipped and poured into her. He healed and released her so that she could do the same for broken-people. He has used every wound, hurt and broken piece for His glory to glory. Not one piece of her story is unused, but redeemed!
Looking back, Char has discovered that, “I’ve been in good hands all along.” Char’s favorite saying is “I’m not retired, but Re-fired ”