Years ago I experienced a season where I was so hungry to hear God’s word. I would listen to podcasts, testimonies and the Bible on my iPod Classic. During that time, I was increasing my faith (faith comes by hearing Romans 10:17). But, I was also coming into a reality of all that really is possible with God. The more I ate, the more hungry I became, So, I read books, I devoured every revivalist biography I could get my hands on, William Branham, Smith Wigglesworth, John G. Lake, Kathryn Kuhlman, George Muller, Heidi Baker the list goes on.
After hearing so many stories of the impossible happening, I arrived at the place in my heart, where I believed God could do anything. I knew God could heal anyone. I knew with one word, He could displace insanity, depression, even developmental disorders. I knew He could save the most proud and stubborn.
A year later I had the opportunity to go on a ministry trip. I remember our first night we held a healing service. This was going to be my opportunity to be a part of the action. My first time seeing a major miracle. My first time on stage releasing a word of knowledge for healing. I didn’t hear a word from God for anyone, so I borrowed one of my sister’s words and pretended it was mine. I didn’t care; I was going to see a leg grow out or a cast ripped off!!!!
When we were done with our time on stage, I went over to pray for a woman. I asked her name, I still remember it was Rose. She was frail, tired looking and young. I asked her what I could pray for and she replied she had MS and an autoimmune disorder and some other serious thing I didn’t know how to pronounce.
I was ready to see Rose healed. I prayed from a place of great faith. I commanded things to go. I released healing and then checked in with her to see how she was feeling. Nothing had changed. I saw people all around me experiencing breakthrough. I tried again, invited the Holy Spirit. I commanded the pain to leave, and for her body to be restored… nothing.
I was tempted in my mind to hug her, bless her, and move on so I could be a part of wherever the action was. But I choose to stay with her and try again. After a few attempts, when I couldn’t think of anything else to pray over her, or say, she laid down in my lap and I stroked her hair. I sat with her and held her for the rest of the service.
God didn’t heal her that night. I didn’t get to see anyone else healed either. Lots of other people went on stage and shared testimonies and I didn’t see a single healing. I was super bummed, discouraged and confused.
The next day when we returned for the next service Rose found me. She hugged me and told me that every-other time she has asked for prayer people will pray for her and move on. She noticed people avoid her or try to not make eye contact with her. No one had ever spent more than a quick five to ten minutes with her – let a lone an hour. She said the love she felt overpowered the feelings of pain in her body and that she felt the love of Jesus that day because I choose to be with her.
I was stunned. Her response made all the disappointment and confusion go away. I was so focused on the miracles, I forgot that the greatest gift is love. To receive the mandate that night to spend time establishing the kingdom through love was an honor. I love being apart of the family business!! Even though I didn’t really know what I was doing, I am so grateful I didn’t sacrifice love for a different story. Learning to love hasn’t changed my theology on the finished work of Jesus, it continually reveals more about it!
Have you ever prayed for someone and they didn’t receive their healing? What did you do with your disappointment and confusion? Please share below in the comments.
Redefined by Grace,
Born and raised in Southern California, Christina Andriese currently lives in Murrieta, CA with her husband of 10 years, Ian, and their three incredible children – Aria, Ethan and Luke.
Christina loves to take in any and every opportunity to connect with people’s hearts and to encourage them to become the best version of themselves. Her dream is to see the church awaken to her full potential – to see humanity walk in freedom – ignited by hope, empowered to dream, and equipped to operate out of the resurrection power that Jesus provides!
When she isn’t homeschooling, being a chauffeur, ministering or working, Christina enjoys napping, going to the beach and reading.