You know you are now singing the song…take a moment and sing it sister.
“You should start dating”, or “ Why are you still alone?” I hear these statements all too often. Well meaning, loving people in my life that are concerned for my well-being just simply curious about my love life. “Don’t you get lonely?” is another line that has become the norm from people around me. I smile sweetly and give them a simple “it’s not time.”
I am single….did you see that one coming?
I have been a divorced single for about six years now. Working a full-time job and raising kids and now I am diving head first into youth ministry. I wouldn’t even know how to date, I have no game at this point. My teenager would probably agree.
For a long time I saw my singleness as a curse, a measure of my worth. I would watch others that seemed to have that whole couple thing down. Then, the questions would start…
Why in fact was I still single?
Why didn’t anyone want me?
Who was I without someone else?
Why am I not good enough?
Why don’t I choose the right people?
The enemy fed on these to make me feel shame and insecure. And then came the answers I was so used to giving myself. I was single because nobody wanted me, I was too broken. Nobody wanted me because I had two kids and two failed marriages. I was NO ONE without a man in my life. I wasn’t good enough for anyone to actually love me because of these things. These lies ran through my head over and over and made the walls grow bigger and higher over time. I would have plenty of times when the echoes of these lies would be less prevalent, but they were always there. In the back, behind the smile.
So what was I to do with that? I made a choice. I was going to find out what God says about me. I was going to dig into the word and really find out. I was going to find out if I was really missing something and if there was any hope for me.
So, this is what I discovered. Boy does Jesus LOVE me!! He delights in me. He cherishes me. He cheers me on. He fights for me. He smiles his big Papa smile every time I laugh or dance or do something great. He sees me. He hears me. He protects me. He builds me up. He comforts me. There are so many places in His word where He just pours out His love and adoration for ME. I had to see myself through His eyes. I needed to know I was perfect in His eyes no matter what my status was.
I am a whole person even being single. I do not need another person to complete me no matter what Jerry Maguire has to say about it.
Jesus makes me whole. Once I learned to appreciate my singleness and move into where God was growing me and what He wanted me to learn about myself, I embraced this single life. I have been able to really fall in love with Jesus and myself. I see myself through His eyes. Worthy, precious, giving, loyal, funny and redeemed. I am an example to my children of really leaning on God for all things and through all things. I am not broken, I am WHOLE! And let me tell you what I will do with that wholeness. I will share with every single (pun intended) person that they are whole too. I will tell every young lady that passes through my life in church, on the street, at work and in youth that she is worthy and loved. That completeness comes from the Lord, not any other person.
If and when God decides to place someone in my life, I get to come to the table with all of the great qualities about me and a fire within me for Jesus. That man better be ready for all that.
I encourage you to find yourself in Jesus. The rest will come.
“I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.” Psalms 139:14
Carly is a 36-year-old Mom of two great kids, manager of an escrow office, lover of Jesus and has a passion for youth ministry. Born and raised in Southern California, she now lives in Temecula California with her kids Tim and Zoe. She enjoys good food, a strong cup of coffee, a good book and having meaningful conversations with interesting people. Laughing is one of her hobbies. She believes it’s the best medicine in any situation.
Her walk with Jesus began about six years ago at the end of an abusive marriage. It was then that she gave her life to the Lord and hasn’t looked back since. Her desire is to walk out her faith as an example to her children and others. Through that, she hopes people who see her walk, come to know the good Father she has come to love. Her hope is that she can lift up and encourage those around her to know that they are worthy and loved too.
Carly’s passion for youth ministry began when the Lord nudged her to step out of her comfort zone and do something she had never done before. Now almost a year later, it’s one of the biggest joys in her life. You can find her mid-week and on Sundays pouring into the youth at Centerpoint Student Ministries. She wants every youth, especially young girls to have someone to walk beside them, invest in them and shower them with the love of Jesus.