It was a beautiful day, excitement filled the air and busy tasks were being met. When suddenly the world shifts to that “Uh-Oh” state of “Oh-no”… I am talking about the time when words come out and are not formed right or taken the wrong way. People feel hurt or don’t understand and emotions fester up to a degree of irrational thoughts.
I was on my way into the car, with my family when I upset my husband. I didn’t mean to, but he certainly was upset. Very upset. I had to muster up the rest of a time sensitive road trip, up a winding mountain road with a piercing dagger stuck in the center of my joy.
It never feels right when connection cracks with treasured relationships. It was not the time to discuss or try to undo what was unfolding on a two plus hour excursion in the car with our kids. Headed back home from our trip, I couldn’t hold back my silent tears. I suddenly felt them running down my cheeks. What I didn’t realize at the time was that my world was under spiritual attack. I understand what I said, I upset my husband, I am not pointing the blame away from me.
Yet, it seems when my family has headed in a good direction all forces come against to stop contentment, closeness, a unity that brings greater bonds for us. This particular time, my family was taking our oldest daughter to a Christian youth camp. What seemed like a beautiful Sunday afternoon became sour. I had forgotten the wisdom I have gained to stop partnering with the wrong side. My eyes were not fixed on the presence of our King. I was blinded with lies that hide the beauty God had for me and my family. I felt smoldering pain creeping up my backside. Old feelings of sadness plunging in my veins deceiving me to have a pity party.
How did I allow myself to get to this point? Where was my strong self that believes every impossible can be a possible? I mean yes, I do get upset, hurt or entangled in my life. I get overwhelmed, and yup there can be tears. Yet it is not long that God comes in and scoops me up with his lavishing love, and replenishes a joy that cannot be bound. I believe, and have come to know strongly a mighty faith in God. That, God alone can take my greatest fears and with his breath they disappear. God is limitless. So much so that I melt every time I hear his love has no end for us.
” And God will generously provide all you need. Then you will always have everything you need and plenty left over to share with others.”
2 Corinthians 9:8 NLT
….So here I am. Fully capable… because God is generous. He keeps me aware of the fiery darts aimed to off-center my family and usually instead of ‘Uh-oh’. I do say ‘oh-no’ but its not with doubt. It is: ‘Oh…and, No!!’ I pray against what is unfolding, with worship and praise and Christ given authority. But something different happened this time, what seemed like darkness settling in for the night… I found something beautiful was going to begin. Let me explain.
So later that night after the drive home and on a short errand run to the store, I found peace, love and comfort. There alone in my car I sought God’s answers and direction in the whole matter. Guess what! Yes-yes, our great God unfolded such goodness. He took care of my surrendering feelings and re-molded my strength.
During these quiet still moments, a repeating image set before me of a pure dominant white horse. It kept surfacing every time a sad thought would enter my mind. It ushered me forward from a dark mist into a pure calmness. All my thoughts were captive and released. As that happens a song came on the radio, one that never phased me before but knew its meaning because of a previous explanation spoken from the songwriters. It was dedicated to women. I listen to the lyrics:…
“I see you dressed in white
Every wrong made right
I see a rose in bloom
At the sight of you (oh so priceless)
Irreplaceable, unmistakable, incomparable
Darling, it’s beautiful
I see it all in you (oh so priceless)”
(Song “Priceless” by For King and Country)
Jesus was present with me. Love was refilling my remolded cup. It was precious to know the voice of the Lord was ever so gentle with me. Even assuring me within a song. I took more time to process the whole matter. I learned new things and once again what could be so destructive was made beautiful. Leading me that much closer with our loving God, with deeper understanding and a refreshing love that pours out over into my home, my family, and my cherished husband.
There’s so much yet to overcome, but I do know that God is always faithful.
Much love and blessing,
Jeanette has worked in church ministry, lead in women ministry, and is passionate for caring for the hearts of individuals. She lives in Southern California with her husband and two beautiful children. After being blessed with several years at home dedicated to caring for her beloved family, she re-entered the work force in 2013, trusting in the Lord entirely along the way.
Her outward heart and passion for people has grown from God who has shown his continuous amazing and abundant qualities of love in her own life. She often sees her visionary self as faithful warrior. At times worn, dirty and strong, or carried in a sea of tirelessly galloping hooves among a mighty army, and sometimes preparing and polishing her weapons as she watches the enemy from a distance running amok. This fighter in her has many years of training and is living now in righteous blood, of which is shed for all of us. She believes her journey has far greater places to travel onward, knowing there is heavy labor ahead yet wants nothing but to pursue our God of great wonder.