I have come to a point in my life where I have Zero Cares. Yep, that’s right, I said that. ZERO CARES. Let me explain why Zero Cares…
I spent most of my life being a people pleaser, a fixer, and co-dependent. I spent my time worrying about if I was going to upset someone, tried to fit in with everyone, ran around saying yes to too many things, put excruciatingly painful parenting expectations on myself, compared myself to my friends, and got hurt if someone didn’t like me….WOW, I am exhausted just writing that out. I cared about EVERYTHING! I walked around giving too many cares about too many things. I didn’t give myself or others a break. It…was…miserable.
Don’t get me wrong, I was still able to enjoy life, my kids and my friends. I wasn’t a sour puss who couldn’t be joyful. But, many times throughout the day in random moments I would overanalyze everything. Why did I say that? Why didn’t my boss do that? Why don’t my coworkers do x,y,x? Why did I wear that shirt that made me look ginormous? Why can’t I get it all done? Do my friends really like me? Am I valuable at church? Does my Mom really think that? Am I a good Mom? And so on and so on…
Fast forward to a few months ago. I was in a very restless place. I was stressed, feeling unimportant in many areas, and just done. Then, it happened, a co-worker blocked me on Facebook. OH….THE…HORROR! Do you ever notice how it can be such a tiny insignificant thing that can just topple the whole Jenga game of life? This one act of someone else made me lose my stuff, big time. I hid it well from everyone, but on the inside, I was rocked to the core. Someone had blocked ME? That act was saved for rude, mean and crazy people, not ME. I couldn’t let it go. The very next day, I had an emotional breakdown at work. Yep, that happened. All of the weight of many things just sat heavy on my shoulders and I couldn’t hold it up anymore. The Facebook block was just the last thing the enemy needed to get my emotions going and all the doubt started to pour over me. I know it may not be a big deal for some, but for someone like me, it was. My boss sent me home and then told me to take a few days off. So, I did. I spent some self-care time and started to talk with God. I asked questions, searched for answers…prayed, wondered and rested.
The restlessness continued for a bit and then one day I asked myself a question. Why do you care so much about the things you cannot control Carly? I am pretty sure it was God asking, but just go with it. I didn’t have a good answer. I really meditated on that for a bit. Why was I so consumed with all of these expectations? How could I or anyone else meet them? How can I let go of all that control? Then ZERO CARES was born. I will have zero cares about the things I cannot and do not have control over and I will have all the cares about the things that matter and I can do something about. Let me give some examples:
Someone doesn’t like my parenting…ZERO CARES…I know I am a great Mom that doesn’t have to be perfect.
Someone gossips about me at work…ZERO CARES…that is a reflection of their character not mine.
My boss runs things the way she wants…ZERO CARES…it’s her company not mine.
A lady doesn’t like that I wore jeans to church…ZERO CARES…get with the times, bless you.
My hair looks like crap today…ZERO CARES…throwing it in a pony.
My seven-year-old doesn’t match today…ZERO CARES…because her heart is beautiful and kind.
Someone doesn’t like my laugh…ZERO CARES…laughter is beautiful.
My teenager thinks my dance moves are uncool….ZERO CARES…because he is so wrong.
Someone blocks me on Facebook…ZERO CARES…because I probably don’t need them in my social media world anyway.
I could go on for a long time.
Let me tell you about what I do care about. Loving people, loving my kids, doing the best I can as a Mom, helping where God has called me to in ministry, sharing Jesus, being the best employee I can be, being an excellent friend, spending time with family, cultivating relationships and resting in all of the goodness that God has for me. I will give 100% of the care in all the appropriate and significant things. I will stop trying to control. That is not my job and I am really glad I figured that out. I still have to remind myself sometimes that God knows who I am, I know who I am and that is enough. The people in my life that know me and love me are knowing me and loving me for all of who I am. This has been a much needed breakthrough for me.
I still have no idea why my co-worker blocked me, I never asked. I didn’t have to because…ZERO CARES.