It was the start of a new semester and I entered one of my first classes with the mixed emotions of excitement and stress. My professor thought it would be a good idea to learn about the class by asking each student a different and completely random question about themselves. Introverted by nature, I did not think this was a good idea at all.
“Name three of your favorite things about yourself.” He prompted one student.
Oh the horror, to brag about yourself in front of the entire class, I empathized with the student as he paused to think of some qualities with a flabbergasted look on his face.
The questioning continued, “Michaela REY-NAW-ED,” He said, butchering my last name as most teachers do, “If money and time weren’t an object, what would you be doing in this exact moment?”
Oh I like this question! I thought as a dreamy mirage washed over me. In that moment I thought of a different life, little did I know, a small fragment of doubt entered my mind. Over the next few weeks I went through the motions reading textbooks, writing papers, and studying for exams. All the while doubt was nagging in the back of my mind.
In that first class I had imagined myself sitting near a window, with a crisp breeze blowing past the drapes and I sat at a desk writing a novel. I was bothered—I couldn’t see how memorizing anatomic diagrams or writing up case studies aligned with the romanticized idea of writing a novel. I became self conscience that I didn’t have time to read for pleasure and that I couldn’t write as much as I would have liked.
I lost sight of the direction I once had. I stopped thinking it was all right to have more than one passion in life. I began to think that studying Speech Language Pathology was some form of cowardice instead of fully committing my life to writing. I thought that I needed to be bolder, perhaps, seeking thrills in the gamble of a secure life. Over the course of a few weeks, that doubt was fueled, but I continued with my studies.
When lacking direction in life, I find it best to reflect on testimony.
Was it a coincidence that as a child I had a speech impediment and worked with a speech pathologist for nearly five years?
Or get this: Was it a coincidence that in college the first speech pathologist I had to observe ended up being my childhood speech pathologist? (I hadn’t seen her for twelve years!)
I believe nothing is a coincidence—it’s God. He weaves dreams into our lives; He plants them in our souls before we depart to earth. He uses all things for His glory, and we are in on His incredible adventure! I lost sight and only focused on one thing that I love; but I also love Jesus’ children and I love helping them.
My mom has this quote in her house that I really like, it reads:
“When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me’”.
So I guess you can say I aspire to be talentless! I still love to write, but a book—Wow! Now that’s a goal! I still need time to grow into it. It may not be my present, but hopefully it will be my future. Love takes time, and God is using every second of it.