I am exhausted. Mentally. Physically. Emotionally. Spiritually. Completely drained. Yet on this particular day, I woke peacefully to the gentle whisper: “Be still and know that I am Lord.” (Psalm 46:10) His voice was clear, but I could not be still. My husband is struggling with an autoimmune disease that attacks his skin.
“Be still.” His voice brought me hope and helped me to get up with a pep in my step, exactly what I needed. Lately my days are hectic caring for him and trying to handle all the things he use to do around the house plus keep up with my duties. This attentiveness has been hindering my ability to hear from Holy Spirit.
The day didn’t go as smooth as I thought it would, it had many challenges. First, I noticed my daughter’s desk was falling apart. Fear started to creep in as I imagined it falling down on top of her. I shook it off, rebuked that thought, told her not to go near it, blessed her with protection and asked Him for time to fix it. Day dreaming of the days when my husband would just sweep in with his tools and make things better; I was suddenly pulled back into reality by the rumble of my bathroom shelf after I put the mouthwash back. The whole shelf and everything on it came crashing down. I still needed to get my daughter’s hair done and pray with my sixteen-year old son to send him off to school. “Be still,” I remembered, as I gazed at the mess it made, once more wishing my husband could come in and rescue me like he use to. I started to walk to work and remembered the trash barrels needed to be put out tonight. Again, something I hardly thought about before. “Be still.”
The specialist from wound care called and wanted to see my husband today. Thank you Jesus! We have been waiting for this call. I found myself daydreaming again of someone else changing my husband’s bandages. This has probably been the hardest part of my husband’s illness. It’s not really the blood or the wounds that bother me, it is seeing my hero in pain and wincing as I clean and put the medication on.
I snapped out of my daydream from the buzz of my phone. It was a text from a very good friend that read; “The Lord Himself will fight for you, just stay calm.” (Exodus 14:14)
When I came home, I ignored the fallen shelf in the bathroom. I decided to spend time in my garden tending to my plants, trying to “be still” until the doctor arrived. He never had a patient like my husband before and didn’t have the proper bandages or tools to care for the type of wounds he has. Frustration set in as I realized it was time to make another trip to the store to get more supplies. I already bought out the local pharmacies and they were slow to stock back up leaving us running low. “Stay calm, be still.”
As I pulled into the dreaded parent pick-up line thirty minutes early, I noticed a gap about five cars ahead of me. I glanced in my rear view mirror and the car that was pulling in behind me saw the gap as well and hurried to grab the spot. This happened twice! “Stay calm, be still.” Next, I was reprimanded by the crossing guard for getting out of my vehicle to get my daughter (the line wasn’t moving) and for trying to go around the frozen line after putting my daughter in the car.
I let that eat at me all the way home. It bothered me so much, I forgot to stop by the store to get supplies for my husband. His bandages had to be changed. I needed gas, my tire was low and my daughter was begging me to use a coupon for frozen yogurt she got at school. “Be still and know that I am Lord, He himself will fight for you, just stay calm,” I heard the voice again in my ears.
The rest of the day wasn’t pretty, the fact of the matter is, the Lord knew how my day was going to go and frankly without those two verses, I probably would have lost my mind. He was there for me and He isn’t leaving me. I still have Him, I have my faith, I have hope. We will get through this with Him. He drowns my fears in His perfect love. He is teaching me, little things count. My husband did a lot of little things that I took for granted. A hug, I didn’t hug him enough. I can’t hug him at all today and I long for the days when I can squeeze him tight again. I praise Jesus, that day is coming. He himself is fighting for us! It’s the little things, among them; two verses.
Always Praising Him,