Less than 24 hours ago everything I knew to be consistent and stable and sound in my career and ministry path came to an end. I met with my boss, and within a 90 minute conversation said words out loud that I could not swallow back in. The kind of words that completely begin to change ones trajectory. They were my words, and they rang true. My choice. My decision. My process. But, I had one of those gut-check reality moments of …”oh crap, I can’t take that back.” The words spoken essentially resembled the following; after being on staff and involved with an incredible outreach to youth ministry for over 20 years, I knew my time was done.
It’s been a long process. More like eighteen months rather than those 90 minutes yesterday. Yet the record stopped and was taken off of the rotation in one moment. I’m done. The Lord is leading me elsewhere. He’s stirring new passions. Unleashing lifelong dreams that have been silenced, numbed. It’s awesome. It’s exciting. It’s the scariest freaking thing I’ve done in my adult life. Allow for change to take place on a platform of the unknown. I am…was…so comfortable. Doing something I loved. And I am really good at it. Made for it, in fact. Yet I knew I was being called to something different. Deeper. Riskier.
For such a time as this. Isn’t it amazing when we know we are supposed to be doing something “other”. Even when we can’t articulate exactly what “other” may be. And certainly “other” does not have an immediate title or a paycheck attached. Yet it comes in a “you know that you know that you know kind of moment”. I’m living that right now. I believe in Jesus. I trust His design for my life. I know He has created me uniquely and wired me with certain gifts and abilities. I want all of it to honor Him. And it was. In a full time minisry, that just made sense. Yet He is drawing me out, into deeper waters, where I have no choice but to take action to swim or be swallowed by the waves. Uncertainty. Unknown. Different. Harder. Scarier. But with the release comes Wonder. Adventure. Hope. Trust. Dreams. Freedom.
I could write a book about all that the Lord is teaching me and speaking to my heart through this part of my journey. And hey, I probably will and hope you’ll read it someday haha!! In the meantime, I’m open to the dream. Each day moving forward I will commit time to just be. To sit and ponder and journal and dream about the “what if”. What if I try this or do that? What if He leads me there? What if I propose this? What if I go for this dream? What if I’m passionate about that? What if!?
I can tell you this much, I. Have. No. Idea. exactly what’s to come. Yet I can’t wipe the smile off my face as I write this. This journey through the life we’ve been given is ours to live. I want to live it abundantly. Taking advantage of every curveball and adventure and wild hair that comes along! It’s my choice. My words, my actions, my advenrures, they are mine. I plan to take full responsibility of holding those reins loosely while I trust in the one who directs my steps. I do have many plans in my heart, but I trust the scriptures that tell of a God who knows me intimately and has my steps prepared for me. I can hardly believe that I get to partner with Jesus in this decision-making process. How exciting! I will succeed. I will fail. But the sun will keep coming up day after day and I know life is what I make of it. There is only one me – and that is by design! (Trust me, the world can only handle one me!!) It’s my life. I plan on continuing to make it the best one I can possibly live!
I hope you are making the same choice today. Live your best life now. Embrace the rhythms and the changes. You are where you should be….unless you’re not! And only you can do something about that!! Cheers to the next unknown. Watch out world. Here I come!
Livin’ Free and Lovin’ It….