I’m a simple gal. If you came over to my house for a cup of hot tea you would assume my family had just moved in. There isn’t much on my walls or shelves, I don’t have extra rooms in my house with furniture that no one uses. Some might consider me a minimalist, others broke. Both are true.
I do enjoy simple and small. I’ve kept the same furniture for ten years because it was passed down to me and it still works. I grew up on hand me downs and so have my kids. It’s fabulous, Christmas in a box at any month of my choosing!
I remember when my husband gave me my engagement ring. I went with him to the jewelers to pick it out. I chose two that were classy, affordable and small. Without knowing it, he picked the one I loved the most, but then after looking at it, I saw that the stinker had upgraded the diamond. I was so upset! (Keep reading, I know I was a dork) I couldn’t believe that he would “waste his money” on something that was so unnecessary! I couldn’t tell in the moment if it was shock or lack of control but I was really upset! It wasn’t until a few days later that I figured out my issue. It wasn’t that it was a waste of money, it wasn’t that I didn’t like it, it was that I was ashamed by my fiance’s generosity.
For the next three months I unintentionally scratched everything. My legs, my face, my dishes, my man. I couldn’t get used to this thing on my hand and it bothered me even more. I think I even asked him if there was any way we could take it back for the small one. Yes, I have since apologized numerous times and, no, he hasn’t bought me jewelry since.
Fast forward to last summer. For my birthday I was given a fabulous gift by a friend. Months earlier, she had painted a piece of prophetic art that struck my heart the moment I saw it. It hung on a wall in her home and every time I walked by it I felt like it was communicating my deepest heart’s cry. I mentioned to her once that I really loved it and I’m sure she saw me stare at it every time I came over but we didn’t talk much about it.
She took it to an art festival and was offered $1000.00 for it. She had refused and while I was happy to hear that she kept it, I couldn’t believe she didn’t part with it. I mean $1000.00 is a lot of money!
On my birthday she presented it to me as a gift. It took a while for the revelation that it was a gift to sink in and I couldn’t hold back the tears. I was speechless, ugly crying and ashamed again. I left the room to collect my thoughts and as I asked the Lord why I felt so odd. He told me, “The value of your worth is being challenged.”
I couldn’t believe it. Deep down I was believing that I was not worth a 1000 dollar gift. Then it hit me, there were other times in my life when I had been given extravagant gifts of love that I felt I wasn’t worthy or deserving of, even my engagement ring! I didn’t leave the bathroom for a while. I had to repent. I had to allow the Lord to fully love me in that moment so I could live without distortions of my worth.
I realized how internalizing these thoughts made me feel embarrassed at times to pursue relationships with people who had given me things. What if they got to know me better and regretted their gift? How could I ever repay these acts of love and extravagance? I actually had the audacity to turn down offers from people to gift me with nice things dismissing it as not necessary or practical.
It’s in these moments that I think the Lord loves to met us. When we are challenged in our situation and we come face to face with His kindness towards us. It is a holy opportunity to learn about the love He has for us. And I hope I never stop experiencing His extravagant love in my life!
So, for a fun activity, lets honor those people in our lives who have brought us into love encounters with Jesus. If you have a fun way of expressing it, I challenge you to do it. But, for right now, if you have been given a gift by someone who brought you into a similar situation of questioning your worth write their name in the comments! Then ask the Lord, what else He wants to teach us today about our worth!
Redefined by Grace,