When I was a kid, I made friends easily! I’d play on the playground and a girl would come up, we’d exchange smiles, conversation and giggles all recess. We’d discover we both liked unicorns and rainbows. Eventually we’d spend the night flipping through Tiger Beat at a sleepover that weekend! Simple. I am still friends (thanks to Facebook) with quite a few people I went to school with.
I feel very fortunate about how easy it was to make friends growing up. My home life wasn’t always the easiest so I was especially grateful for those people God put in my life to make it good. I never took it for granted. As an adult that all seemed to change.
My first friend as an adult everything was going great, until one day she just stopped being my friend. No fight. No drama. Just done with me. She came back months later saying she didn’t know why she did that and was sorry. I forgave her of course, I already had. But it shook me. We never were quite friends again. I tried to bounce back but after a few more broken friendships, I started to build a wall. I wondered what the heck was I doing wrong! And oddly, telling them I like unicorns and rainbows just gets me weird looks now. So, I won’t even mention to them my scrapbook I made of Kirk Cameron from his Growing Pains days (They clearly wouldn’t be able to handle it! I legitimately still have it.)
So what am I doing wrong?!
Be loyal – check
Be a good listener – check
Be kind – check
Be awesome – ummm, check
The list goes on people, I am a delight!
So I have been in prayer about it. I am working on it. It’s an “in progress” sort of situation! I have been told, “Just lay it at the Lord’s feet and it will be done!” Always good advice to lay your troubles at the Lord’s feet. And I have. I swear! I am all about declaring out loud, “Jesus, here you go! Take it!” And I mean it with all that I am. I honestly just want the ‘Boom, it’s all good now moment’. But it’s not a quick lesson for me for some reason. Not all of them are. My heart has been hurt so many times that I am guarded. I hesitate to even try to put myself out there because people who I thought were friends used me or just walked away. When that happens all I hear is, “SEE, you are not worthy. You are unlovable and you are not valued.” The enemy tries to give those words power and volume over the truth. Some days I believe it. That’s what I lay down at His feet, all of my hurt and pain and the rejection (which I know is deep-seeded). He lifts my head, looks at me and all I hear above the noise is, “You ARE lovable. You ARE worthy. And you ARE valued!”
His truth is louder than the lies!
I know I have to trust that God is working on me. That He is protecting my heart and teaching me these lessons so I can grow and be ready for the amazing gals he will place in my life. I can’t wait to show them my scrapbook!
A Beautiful Mess,
Jerri Lynn Not Jerri