Aw, there you are again.
Every morning I see you and feel you.
Maybe today it will be different.
Better than yesterday.
Sigh… Always my prayer.
Today will be easier for me.
Who am I talking to, you may wonder? The pain in my body.
“You can’t heal a wound by saying it’s not there!”
About 25 years ago, I was told by a doctor I had what is called “Genetic Bone Disease.” He also said I’d be in a wheelchair and unable to walk the later days of my life. It eventually turned into Rheumatoid Arthritis.
As a believer, I rebuked the doctor’s words. I believe God can and does heal. I received prayer every chance I could. I broke off any generational curses in my blood line, I remembered my aunt had the same disease, where she laid in bed unable to walk for years. I changed my diet by avoiding foods that irritated my joints. I did my best to avoid the need of pain pills, I would rather pray and lean on God than something else.
The reality is, there are days I don’t leave my house because of the pain. I spend time in my home even thinking about it for days. How will I be able to walk into church? I used to be a runner, even walked across soccer fields to get to my kids’ games.
My first step out of denial was admitting that I WAS experiencing pain. I never wanted to admit there is pain in my body. Walking away from denial was not easy. Taking off the mask was hard. Everything about me shouted, “Don’t do it, you’re not safe.”
Second step out of denial, I acquired resources. I purchased a cane and a walker with a seat for when my legs get tired. I finally bought things that would improve my life because I was in a position to acknowledge my need.
Third step out of denial, I humbled myself so I didn’t have to miss out on things that were important to me. I bought a wheelchair. I still wanted to be a part of family outings. Universal Studios, Disneyland, the Sand Diego Zoo and even an airport. I just can’t walk for very far without help.
Fourth step out of denial, writing this blog.
” Happy are those who know they are spiritually poor.”
Denial can disguise itself with many different masks. I challenge you to ask yourself, are you self-protecting a behavior? Blaming others? As a child what coping skills did you use to get attention or protect yourself? How do you handle pain or disappointment?
How do I begin to address my denial?
Admit it, “I have a problem.”
Recognize it’s happening.
Refuse to play the blame game.
Stay honest with myself.
Be quiet, be open and think.
Ask, what can I learn, to become a better person, to grow?
In His Grip,