“It’s too much,” he whispers. The room is dark and we lie still, barely holding hands as movement and touch are too hard for him to bear in the midst of his pain.
“I know . . .” is all I can muster and my helplessness leaks from my eyes and into my ears.
Jesus, help us. Jesus why? Why must he suffer? Why can’t we find answers?
My husband, Patrick, has suffered from frequent onset acute migraines his entire life and has spent more time in pain than well in the past twenty years in particular. You can imagine the toll it has taken.
We began to feel like our prayers would never be answered and our darkest days were still ahead of us. Hopelessness is a scary thing and we could have allowed it to drag us down to a place from which we couldn’t return.
In 2014, in the midst of some a particularly hard times, Need to Breathe released a song called “Multiplied” that grabbed my heart and gave me hope:
Your love is like radiant diamonds
Bursting inside us –
We cannot contain.
Your love will
Surely come find us
Like blazing wildfire
Singing your name.
God of mercy,
Sweet love of mine,
I have surrendered to your design.
May this offering
Stretch ‘cross the skies
These Hallelujahs be multiplied.
I sang it over and over and cried out to the Lord. I imagined laying all we had down on the water and pushing it out to Him. We lifted up the pain as a sacrifice of praise and released it into His hands. I saw His love reaching back through space and time to receive our offering. God of mercy, have mercy on us. We surrender to Your design even though we do not understand it. We sing your hallelujahs through the suffering. We await the multiplication of our praises.
It’s an odd thing to choose joy and praise in the midst of suffering with no relief in sight. And yet, we chose praise. We chose joy and even followed Him into the craziest plan of all, fostering to adopt three babies in the midst of all the challenges we already faced.
Matthew 10:26-31 reads:
Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.
Today. After decades of suffering, we have finally found some answers. Little by little, God is revealing the keys to release Patrick from his pain. He is not completely free yet, but the hope we had in the darkness abounds in the light. The hope God gave us in our hardest days, we share freely with others. This is the moment He promised. Every time someone messages me to tell me they are feeling better than they have in years, to thank me for the prayers and help, God whispers over me, “these Hallelujahs be multiplied.” I know now that all the pain he suffered has uniquely prepared us to comfort others. All of the tears and prayers over the years are now being released like wildfire over our lives.
2 Corinthians 1:3-5 reads:
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.
Where did Patrick’s healing begin? It began with his belief he could be well. Begin with Freedom Prayer, Healing Room Ministry or counseling. You are not your pain. You are all the other things God created you to be. He may choose to heal you in a moment or over a lifetime, but until you believe He can, your answers will be harder to recognize.
Dear ones, if you are suffering, I cannot promise you that you will be released from your pain today or tomorrow, but I can promise you that the God of heaven sees you and loves you so very much. He will use your pain for His glory if you let Him. He will use it to draw you closer to Him and will allow you to bring comfort and love to others who suffer. I can promise you that I will pray for you in your dark days. And when the healing comes, I will stand with you and sing His praises for bringing your miracle.