On the drive home from school one day my ten-year-old daughter Aubree, asked me how I know God is real. I explained to her that God is hard to try to understand, that even the Bible tells us we can’t possibly begin to explain God (Isaiah 40:28), but that I know He is real because I can feel Him, sense Him, hear Him and because of how He has answered my prayers.
“Sometimes I pray for something and I don’t get it though,” she responded. I told her we don’t always get what we pray for because God knows what is best for us. She looked at me with confusion all over her face and said she didn’t understand why God wouldn’t give us what we want. So I proceeded to tell my precious girl how much I prayed for a baby with daddy, how I wanted that baby so much and how I would cry every month and just didn’t understand why I lost the babies when I became pregnant. With tears in my eyes I told her, “Now I know God denied me my “want” because He had something so much better for me, I just needed to trust Him and be patient.”
My husband and I each brought a daughter into our marriage from our previous marriages. We wanted to have a child of our own to raise together so after a few years we began trying. I prayed and prayed for my “want”. I had no problem getting pregnant and I quickly told everyone I was expecting. We lost that baby early on during my tenth week of pregnancy. The prayers for my “want” continued and after the doctor told us it was safe we began trying to conceive again. Just as before I had no problem getting pregnant. I didn’t want to go through the heartache of telling everyone I lost a baby again so I waited until I was safely in my second trimester and then I excitedly told my family, friends, and co-workers that I was expecting again. I prayed and prayed for this little “want”, this little baby in my womb that was my husband and I combined, and that it would be healthy. Two weeks after telling everyone the news our baby’s heartbeat stopped.
“I can’t do this again!” I cried to my OBGYN and I made the decision to have a tubal ligation and to be happy with the children we had, even if we didn’t share them together. So, I quickly had my tubal ligation and three months later I was not happy! I was sad! I regretted my decision and began to pray for a miracle baby, for my “want”, hoping that the procedure failed and some eggs would manage to make their way down those tubes!
It was more than two years into praying and pleading for this miracle baby that I changed my prayer to a request for contentment and I praised God for the children we had. It was another year, when I was fully content in my life, that I came across those old pleas in my prayer journal from those years before. I chuckled and simply told the Lord, “Oh yea…the baby. I’m content with whatever your decision is Lord,” and I happily went on with life. Four months after that little talk with God my husband came home from work one day and told me that he had told a lady at work that we would adopt her niece’s baby. Seven months later we brought Aubree home. God amazes me!
So as Aubree and I continued on home, I explained that if God had granted me my “want”, her daddy and I would have missed out on what was best for us, and as we sat in the driveway she looked into my eyes with tears in her own and I told her, “You see, He knew you were the best for us. He knew better than we did.”
And that, my friends, is how I know God is real.
How great is God? Beyond our understanding.
Dear Lord, thank you for giving me something better than I wanted. Thank you for granting me contentment when my want didn’t come. Help me to always trust in You with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding. Help me to be content and for my trust to become greater, and my praise louder when my wants are never granted.